Working with the Emotions: Hold me please

When I first started meditating, I would sit down and be overcome by a waterfall of thoughts. Thoughts about my clients’ lives. Thoughts about what to do tomorrow. Thoughts about what to eat. Thoughts about the person sitting in front of me. Thoughts about the practice and whether or not I was doing it right. Thoughts about myself, especially those that were doubt-ridden and questioned my basic worth. Like a continual movie playing out, sometimes stuck on the same tape-loop, regurgitating on itself; it often felt like acid reflux of the mind. I would sit down and say “I want to be more available to others and this is why I’m doing this.” And inevitably, the same or a similar splice of the tape loop would re-appear, almost mocking my abilities to ever be able to accomplish this fully. How in the world can I be more available to other people when I can’t even be available to myself? And so the path began…